Health jokes
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.