Health jokes
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?
Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. 😂
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."