Health jokes

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?

No, because it never came out...

How did the other 18 COVIDs go unnoticed?

The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

When the doctor saw this, he said,

"From Type 2 Diabetes!"

Get it?

How much did the liver weigh?

It weighed a skeleTON.

What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?

A KIDNey!

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.

Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."

Gym Teacher: "That's alright."

Other Kid: "Hush!"

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.