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Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

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    • Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.

    We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

    What is a type of cancer that:

    Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?

    Easy, the answer is Fortnite.

    The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

    Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

    Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

    Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

    There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

    The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

    A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

    When the doctor saw this, he said,

    "From Type 2 Diabetes!"

    Get it?

    What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?

    A KIDNey!