It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
Where are fart bombs made?
Old people's arses!
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It is going tibia okay.
