Health jokes
Where do depressed people go to eat?
Suicide Sonic.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?
Tamlito.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Yo mama went to Safeway to be safe.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.