Health jokes
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Sue-icide squad.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.
Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?
Canned hunting.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.