The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
Health Jokes
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
Americans are fat.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
