Health jokes

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

What is a pooper man called? A dentist.

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

What do you call a group of depressed people?

Sue-icide squad.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.

Just not for long!

My friend has ligma...

Lick ma balls!

Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.

Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.

What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?

Milkshake.

I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?

Canned hunting.

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.