What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
