Health jokes
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
Your bitch has Covid-19.
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
I have it.
Perfect dinner joke.
Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3