Health jokes
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
I hate wearing a mask in public.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
Your bitch has Covid-19.
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.