Health jokes

TRUE STORY!

X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

What did the tissue wear?

A shoe.

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

"You is so black your mama fainted."

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

What's the best way to remove gum from hair?

Cancer.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.