Health jokes

A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

TRUE STORY!

X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

What did the tissue wear?

A shoe.

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

"You is so black your mama fainted."

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

What's the best way to remove gum from hair?

Cancer.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.