Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
Kids- it's time for Dora.
Kids- YAY!
Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.
Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?
Kids- Where's Dora?
Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.
Kids- Poor Dora.
Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!
Swiper - AH MAN!!
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!
You're so skinny, if someone farts in your direction, you will fly away.
What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?
You fix both with a coat hanger.
The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
