Health jokes

What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?

Chewbacca.

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!

My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

I have cripple and depression.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.

Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.

Zion's so fat, when he walks, he breaks his mama's back.

Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.

Vaseline

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.