Health jokes
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Official orgasm donor.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?
Chewbacca.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
I have cripple and depression.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.