Health jokes
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
What is mad cow disease?
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?
A cutting board.
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
The wheelchair. 😑
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.