Have jokes
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.