Have jokes
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
I made a website for an orphanage. For some reason, it doesn't have a home page.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."