Have jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?
So gay people can have lightsaber duels.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
Orphans have no home.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"