Have jokes
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Hey I have a joke for you.
My life hahah. I wanna die.
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
The ultimate speedrun
Why do orphans use Samsung?
Because iPhones have home buttons.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.