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Has-been

Has-been jokes

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.

EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.

This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?

A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?

The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.

Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.

Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?

Stranger 1: You can't!

Stranger 2: You can.

Stranger 3: How?

Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.

Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?

Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.

Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-

(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)

  • 1

    • How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

    Your dog's gone.

    Your finances are done.

    And your floaties.

    What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

    Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...