Has-Been Jokes

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

My Xbox has been acting up lately...

So I painted it black to make it run faster

Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

Your move, Ron DeSantis.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars...that's why there is no signs of life there.

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"

I got a orphan a Iphone 6 I told him to press the home button he has been doing it all day

me: brings in missing child police: omg this kid has been missing for 3 months. here is your reward me: oh, cool

NEXT DAY

me: brings in 8 other kids

police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title? Finding emo.

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

How do you know when a football player has been to jail? When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. It’s called Trycoxagain.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Your momma so old she has been a waitress at the last supper

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

What did the bee say after the execution - the criminal has been beeheaded

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books, Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining