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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?

He was playing with too many strokes.

Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”

The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”

Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.