Gun jokes
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.