Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?
'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.
