How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
Gun Jokes
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
What were my great grandpa's last words?
"SHIT MG42!!!"
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
What do Americans call high school?
Shooting range.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
