Gun jokes

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

What's a bison's favorite gun?

A PP Bizon.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost a water gun fight.

What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"

What's an emo's favorite food?

Shot gun ammo.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

What were my great grandpa's last words?

"SHIT MG42!!!"

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.