Gun jokes
What’s comes after 9 Millimeter?
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47.
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
This black dude goes up to an Indian guy and says, "What up brotha?"
The Indian guy gets offended and says, "We are not the same."
The black guy then pulls out a gun, and the Indian guy says, "Ok brother, ok brother, we are the same, we are the same."
Do the voice in your head.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.