Gun jokes

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

What's a bison's favorite gun?

A PP Bizon.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

*School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

Why do you play Call of Duty?

I actually don't know.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

We gotta keep it goin' ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.

What do you call a black man with a gun? A gangsta.

What's America's best class?

Gun 101.

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.