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    Enemy

    There was an enemy with a machine gun.

    My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

    So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

    Show

    During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

    I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic โ€œpersonal protection liberty 2nd amendmentโ€ hooplah.

    Very seriously, I told the crowd, โ€œIโ€™m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.โ€

    My friend was the only one who laughed.

    Swamp

    During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.

    He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*

    State

    There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

    Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

    Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

    Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

    Bag

    What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

    When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

    Orphan

    There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

    Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.

    History

    I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldnโ€™t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, โ€œYouโ€™re about to become history.โ€ I almost forgot that we werenโ€™t supposed to have any lessons that day.

    Plane

    A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammoโ€”unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

    When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

    "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

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