Gun jokes
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?
Because that's the average class size in America.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair with a gun? A rxd.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"