Gun jokes
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
What did the Deagle say to the G17?
"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.