What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
