Grocery jokes
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
What do tomatoes 馃崊 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Knock knock.
Who鈥檚 there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 馃崊馃槀
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn鈥檛 find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
Lettuce ketchup.
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!