Government jokes
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.
I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...