Government jokes
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Memes
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.