Government jokes
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.