"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
Reviews for the Chinese flag are in!
5 stars!
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
Long live the quee—Oh wait...
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA