Government jokes
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. π€£
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
Memes
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they donβt live in a swing state.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
What is similar between Hitler and Trump?
They both want to keep races out.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.