Government jokes
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
I don't laugh at Trump.
I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
Hey, Britain, no queen? :(
NASA stands for "Nobody asks scientists anymore."
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
Why are the English so bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
What is similar between Hitler and Trump?
They both want to keep races out.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
Yo mama is Obama.