Government jokes
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
Memes
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
Long live the quee—Oh wait...
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With Caesar!
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”