Government jokes
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
Memes
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With Caesar!
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
Long live the quee—Oh wait...