Government jokes
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?
I did nazi that coming!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"