Government jokes

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.

What do you call the longest reigning monarch?

The queen? No, she dead.

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

In Washington D.C.

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?

Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

What's Trump's favorite instrument?

A TRUMPet!!!

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

NASA stands for "Nobody asks scientists anymore."

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

Your mom is as fat as NASA's company.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.

Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?

A: His lips move.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!