Government jokes
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
I am your leader.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.