Government jokes
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?
A MAGAzine.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Hitler was a dic-tator.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
Hey, I misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago, on September 7th, 2001.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.