Government jokes

The "S" in Putin stands for smart.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.

Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

Hitler was a dic-tator.

Hey, I misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago, on September 7th, 2001.

What was the worse purchase America ever made?

Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?

Because he did nazi it coming!

"Trump is Putin, America first!" hahaha

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.

What is the opposite of Progress?

Congress.

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.