Government jokes
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
What did Obama ask Trump?
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Why are Nepalese 🇳🇵 bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their 👑.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.