Government jokes
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
What did Obama ask Trump?
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
Communism is actually kinda tight.