God jokes
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
Memes
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."