God jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.