"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
Hodor.
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
Stephen Hawking said there is no God.
2018 God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
