God jokes
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
This was last year
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
I fucking hate school, god damn!
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "dad."
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.