A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "now were not even allowed to do that."
If all your clothes where stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said ‘ a smile’
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school
Going to school is mandatory in this country
Can you guess my plan?
I went to go hang out with the emo kids but they already did
I don't understand why when I went to the shooting range today the police came, like bro I always go to elementary schools
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
I was going to tell my dad a joke but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet
Q: What Kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip
I made that one up.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church? They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick
2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.
5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
English: Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no. Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?” “Under my bench,” he replies.
French: Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non. Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?” “Sous mon banc,” il répond.
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost? Harlem, New York.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. -- But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
When you go over a speed bump but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater
i was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit to EAR-itating
I saw a emo orphan by a tree and I was going to give it a high-five but instead I just let it hang.➰
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
