Go jokes

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.

If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?

The dark.

Why did you go depressed?

Because you’re you.

I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.