So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, "okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "what?" As he looked over at Jim.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something, SOMEONE will laugh. Say: This word isnt gonna be funny until i tell you, your probably not going to laugh. *your friend* whats the word? *you* finger *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not every one laughs, so dont feel bad if they dont. Also dont be surprized if you get put in jail for murder, because your going to kill someone with this.
I was going to make a chemistry joke.. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What type of camp does a kid with adhd go to. Concentration camp
son: can i go to my friends mum? mum: no! son: dad was right i am a son of a bitch! mum: bad news but your adopted!!
What do bees 🐝 do when they get married? They go on a honeymoon.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door
How do you make a Orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say bleach.
why cant orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes
I’m going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I’ll draw it with a razor blade. I’ll draw it on my wrist.🔪🔪
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
