Go Jokes

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Arabians go weeeeee

A small airplane is flying between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. The towers are in a city and several bridges are visible in the background.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."