Give jokes

What do you call the most fucking racist and obnoxious country in the fucking entire fucking omniverse? NORTH AMERICA!

And if you disagree just 'cus you're American, I don't give a fuck, you low life cunts. Plus, if you don't think you're racist, um, hello people? Motherfucking George Floyd!

When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

Why don’t oysters give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish! 😂

How do you give an "Alabama Girl" a nice compliment?

Answer: You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"

What say the child to the man? Shalom.

Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"

Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"

Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby

No one gives a fuck.

What type of flower do you give an orphan?

A self-raising [flour].

I gun give money.

"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."

What is the difference between a comma and a period?

A comma gives you a pause, but a period gives you sleep.

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.

Police: What is that location?

Me: I don't know where is dis location.

Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.

Me: WTH?

Police: Ends call.

Me: Calls hospital.

Hospital: What is that location?

Me: I don't know where is dis location.

Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.

Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.

Hospital: Hangs up.

Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.

Fire: No fire.

Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?

Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.

What’s worse than giving women rights?

Having them. In the first place.

Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

She will let it go!! 😂🤣