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Give jokes

Friend

    • Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

    Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

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    • Day

    • Earlier that day...

    Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

    Mission on space.

    Mars: Moon? You okay?

    Moon:...

    Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

    *Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

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    • Trophy

    • I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

    Ovation

    • I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

    I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

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    • Give memes

    Gay

    • What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!

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    • Dad

    • I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

    I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

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    • Lemon

    • I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

    I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

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    • Bomb

    • President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!

    Man: We have the power of the sun itself!

    President: Drop it on them!

    Man: You push the button.

    President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.

    Man: Hands over button

    President: Pushes it

    Both: YAAA!

    President: Bumps into the button pressing it again

    Both: Oh, sh*t!

    Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off

    Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again

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    • Inch

    • Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

    Nickelback

    • What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

    "Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

    Dick

    • Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

    Pencil

    • What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

    Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

    Privacy

    • Me: Spell "I cup."

    My Friend: I see you pee.

    Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!

    My Friend: Oh hehe O-O

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