Give jokes
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!