Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
101 pedo jokes.
Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?
Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.
Keep it going on lol.
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
