Give jokes

I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...

I was two tired.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

A Roman walks into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.