Give jokes

Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

On one hand I support it because it kills children.

On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?