Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Girlfriend Jokes
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
your mom
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."
"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
You will never have a girlfriend.
