Girlfriend jokes

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.

Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.

"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."

"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!

Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.

When I tell people my girlfriend's packin', they always think she's really good with a gun.

She's actually transgender and on the waiting list for surgery.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.