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Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
To get to Birds Eye.
What happens when the music note starts to misbehave?
Then he gets into treble!
Why did the hobo cross the road?
To get the rotten donut on the other side.
What time is it when you get home and you walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school? Oooooo day, a great night for
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school?
What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.
I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
Hint: he didn’t.
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.