Get jokes

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What's the same about bins and orphans? They get dumped.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.

What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?

The flowers actually get picked.

Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."

Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake