Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
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What's the same about bins and orphans? They get dumped.
Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?
A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
Want to hear a dad joke? Look in the mirror. You get the joke.
How do skeletons get COVID?
From the coffin!
Why do orphans get an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?
So he could be in a lovely family before death.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
