Get jokes

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.

What do orphans get at Xmas?

Lonely.

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.