Get jokes

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What disease do you get from eating fish?

Salmonella!

What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?

One actually gets picked.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?

Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

What world record did the people in 9/11 get?

The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.

Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?