Get jokes

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."

Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake

Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.