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What do you call a pregnant slave?

Buy 1 get 1 free.

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.

Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.

I never get off on the wrong foot.

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?