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Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?

Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?

🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.

What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?

A wet pebble.

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve!

Why are there gates on a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get inside. Lol

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

You poke it on.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he gets to call someone father.

I keep getting ads about belly fat.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?

Why do people adopt orphans?

They get cash.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!