Get jokes
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Poor biggie😔
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
What is an orphan versus orphan competition?
Who will get adopted first?
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?
Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.