Get jokes
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
Memes
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
How did Anakin get away with cheating?
By choking on his wife!
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when itβs below 10%.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans donβt get seconds.
Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.
What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"