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A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Why did the orphan cross the road and stop in a lane? To get run over.
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.
My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
Why do science jokes usually get no reaction?
Because they're so boron!
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked at least.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Why did Naruto stop trying to get at Sakura?
Why?
Because it would be useless. :)
Do emos get jealous when their phone dies?
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat…