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Why did the Scarecrow get a promotion?

Because it was OUTSTANDING in the field! 💀💀😂😂😂😂😂

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What's the difference between me and Spongebob?

Spongebob can actually get ripped.

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

What’s the only reason Emos drink?

To get hungover.

Sometimes presidents lose their minds as they get older into their presidency. A good example of this is JFK. He lost his mind everywhere.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a blender.

Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.

Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?

Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"

Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?

He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.

What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side.

What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?

A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Your mom is so hot, if she had an OnlyFans page, she would get more money than companies during Pride Month.

What did rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop and Smoke.