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What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage"

If you guessed "Marriage" your stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never get's old to him. Just like the baby.

how do you pet a psychopaths cat?

you get it out of the microwave

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

YOU GET A MILKSHAKE!

What is the second hardest thing in the morning?

Getting up.

What's the difference between orphans and cotton?

Cotton gets picked.

What do you get when you have a annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? -- The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.

Dark jokes are like a new day suicidal people don’t get it

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I'm positive. This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!" "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"