Get jokes
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
What its like being online xd
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!
Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.
If you drop something, make your short friend get it.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
Bully: Have you ever heard of a brain?
Stupid kid: No.
Bully: You should go get one!
Stupid kid: Wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.