Get jokes

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

I don't like the word "gun".

Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

My arm: "I'M GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT!"

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.