Clergyman jokes

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?

A panhandler.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."