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Guy

    • Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?

    The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.

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    • Adoption agency

    • Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

    Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

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    • Dad

    • Girl: Dad, where are you?

    Dad: I went to go get milk.

    Girl: But we have milk.

    Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

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    String

    • So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

    He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

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    • Post

    • The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

    He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

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    • Woman

    • What do women and KFC have in common?

    After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

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    • Graveyard

    • Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world? Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

    Sperm Bank

    • An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

    "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

    "I'm going down to give blood."

    "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

    "About $30."

    "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

    The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

    "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

    "Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

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