Get jokes

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

Why do orphans love getting r@ped?

Because they want to know what love feels like.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.

They’re already getting closer.

Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Dark jokes are just like water.

Not everybody gets it.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples actually get picked.

What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?

Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?

When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.